Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Butterfly Kisses

There's two things I know for sure
She was sent here from heaven, and she's Daddy's little girl.
As I drop to my knees by her bed at night
She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes
And I thank God for all of the joy in my life, oh but most of all...

For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair
Walk beside the pony Daddy, it's my first ride
I know the cake looks funny Daddy, but I sure tried
Oh with all that I've done wrong, I must of done something right
To deserve a hug every morning, and butterfly kisses at night.

Sweet sixteen today
She's looking like her Mama, a little more everyday.
One part woman, the other part girl
To perfume and makeup, from ribbons and curls.
Trying her wings out in a great big world, but I remember...

Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair.
You know how much I love you Daddy, but if you don't mind
I'm only gonna kiss you on the cheek this time.
With all that I've done wrong, I must of done something right
To deserve her love every morning, and butterfly kisses at night.

All the precious time, oh, like the wind the years go by.
Precious butterfly, spread your wings and fly.

She'll change her name today, she'll make a promise, and I'll give her away.
Standing in the bridegroom just staring at her
She asks me what I'm thinking, and I said I'm not sure.
I just feel like I'm losing my baby girl, and she leaned over...

Gave me butterfly kisses with her Mama there
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair.
Walk me down the aisle Daddy, it's just about time.
Does my wedding gown look pretty Daddy? Daddy, don't cry.
Oh, with all that I've done wrong, I must of done something right.

To deserve her love every morning, and butterfly kisses,
I couldn't ask God for more, than this is what love is.
I know I gotta let her go, but I'll always remember...
Every hug in the morning, and butterfly kisses.


Daddy's Little Girl

I dedicate this to all the girls out there...

Check out this entry at J-ann's blog. I'm really sad about this.

Daddy take me with you
I promise I'll be good
Daddy, this is next time
And momma said I could.

Sitting in the front seat riding down town
An ice cream cone
I'd wrap him around my little finger
Tighter then my baby could
You can make a tear go a long long way
When you're daddy's little girl.

Well he tightened my bike chain from 7 to 13
Taught me to drive when I was a wild thing
Reached and he prayed while I made some mistakes
That I wouldn't have made if I'd have done it his way.

Now he hugs me when he sees me
We talk about the past
He tries to give me money
And I try and give it back.

He's a book of advice
More then I need
The look in his eyes is saying to me
Let me help you all I can
While I'm still in this world
What will you do when you're daddy's gone
And you're daddy's little girl.

So Sick Comparison

So Sick (Female Version)

i gotta change the station that i have
cause all i hear is you
it jus keeps reminding me
of all the thingz we used to do
and i know that i should turn
off the radio
but it's the only place i hear your voice anymore

(it'z rediculous)
it'z been months since I've spoken to u
(you aint keep in touch)
dont know why it came to this no
(but enough is enough)
no more walkin round wit ma head down
i dont wanna be a fool
cryin over you

if your so sick of love songs
so tired of tears
you said you loved me
why aint you here?
im so sick of your love songs
so sad and slow
but i just cant turn off the radio

gotta fix that calendar i have
that'z marked july 16th
cause it seemz like you forgot
that waz our annaversary
when i heard your song it
made it hard to erase your memory
now when i heard ur songs i noe it's best for me
i cant believe that your

so sick of love songs
so tired of tears
you said u loved me
why aint you here?
im so sick of your love songs
so sad and slow
but i just cant turn off the radio

(now that im gone)
now that im gone
(i wanna be left alone)
and everytime i see your smile
it'z lookin at our child
you shood noe
Ooh y cant you move on?

if your so sick of love songs
so tired of tears
you said u loved me
why aint you here?
im so sick of your love songs
so sad and slow
but i just cant turn off the radio
(i just cant turn off the radio)

if your so sick of love songz (so sick of love songz)
so tired of tears (so tired of tears)
you said u loved me
why aint you here (yeaaaah) (y aint you here???)
im so sick of your love songz
so sad and slo (oo oh)
but i just cant turn off the radio
(i just cant turn off the radio)

if your so sick of love songz
so tired of tears
you said u loved me
why aint you here?
im so sick of your love songz
so sad and slow
but i just cant turn off the radio
(i jus cant turn off the radio)
i just cant turn off the radio



Mmmm mmm yeah
Do do do do do do do-do
Ohh Yeah

Gotta change my answering machine
Now that I'm alone
Cuz right now it says that we
Can't come to the phone
And I know it makes no sense
Cuz you walked out the door
But it's the only way I hear your voice anymore
(it's ridiculous)
It's been months
And for some reason I just
(can't get over us)
And I'm stronger then this
(enough is enough)
No more walkin round
With my head down
I'm so over being blue
Cryin over you

And I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?

Gotta fix that calender I have
That's marked July 15th
Because since there's no more you
There's no more anniversary
I'm so fed up with my thoughts of you
And your memory
And how every song reminds me
Of what used to be

That's the reason I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?

(Leave me alone)
Leave me alone
(Stupid love songs)
Dont make me think about her smile
Or having my first child
I'm letting go
Turning off the radio

Cuz I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing she was still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?
(why can't I turn off the radio?)

Said I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing she was still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?
(why can't I turn off the radio?)

And I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishin you were still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
Why can't I turn off the radio?
(why can't I turn off the radio?)
Why can't I turn off the radio?

Monday, March 12, 2007

Closer and Closer Look: Smaller and smaller Circles by: F.H. Batacan

Smaller and Smaller Circles. My first impression with the title was that this is something like those Bob Ong’s which uses very plain language. Or if not, it’s just like the usual Mga Ibong Mandaragit or Florante at Laura and the like. The reason behind these impressions was that back in high school, I was exposed to those kinds of Philippine literature. Nevertheless, my guesses were all wrong.

Smaller and Smaller Circles. Wasn’t like the normal “laughter therapy” or comedic novels by Bob Ong which may be used by high school students for their book report (even grade school). I came to realize that now I’m in College, book reports are in a different level – more matured and realistic. But on the other hand, it’s not also like the typical/normal Philippine literature with very deep language. Smaller and Smaller Circles is very easy to comprehend and the ideas are flowing in a good manner.

The question, “Is it realistic or fantastic?” struck me for a moment. I know in my heart the definition of a fantastic and a realistic. But at the start of the novel, I was thinking twice. I even looked up the definition of the two words. But as I ponder, it echoes in my mind. It’s a realistic novel. It’s a realistic novel. It’s a realist.

It can happen in reality. It’s even happening now. Serial killers are on the streets. The Payatas area – the mountain of garbage, the smell of the dump, Riverside, Litex, the junction along Tandang Sora and Commonwealth across Old Balara, and the Jesuit’s house. The setting seems so vivid. It seems so clear for me because I live by Old Balara. That is why the idea that it is a realist novel seems to echo and seems to be very clear.

I am asking myself if it’s fantastic. Is there psychic automism? Is there something out of this world? Is it something of magic, of vampire slayers, of lost souls? No. There is nothing magical. It even points out the psychological reason behind the killings of the serial killer.

Smaller and Smaller Circles. Realist. Now what comes next? What specific literary genre does it fall under? The whole story revolves around the killings, the killer and the mystery solvers.
The novel depicts the Filipino police doesn’t acknowledge the killings to be done by a serial killer. But the two priests, Fr. Gus Saenz, a known forensics anthropologist and Fr. Jerome Lucero, a clinical psychologist, strongly believes that the killings are all done in a sort of sequential and organized manner. Every first Saturday of the month, victims, being children between twelve to fourteen, of small size, are seen face scraped off, genitals mutilated and heart extracted.
At first, you may think that it’s a sort of a ritual done by some cult or it’s something done by the “aswang” or “mananangal”. A vampire in the Payatas area? Fantastic, I say.

But this novel is not fantastic as I say. It even echoes in my mind that it’s a realist. So, who in the right and humanly mind would dare to do such thing? This made me conclude that this novel is a mystery. So here comes a very refreshing type of Filipino novel – sort of like CSI.
So, the two Jesuit priests being exposed in “real” criminal situations, happen to conclude that there is a serial killer. The format of the story goes like this: First, the body is found hours after the killing. Then the police and forensic experts are trying to investigate and search the crime scene. Then the two priests analyzing the situation with the help of Joanna, a reporter and some laboratory professionals, medical people and government officials who have access over confidential records. Next is having a suspect as well as studying him, knowing his background as well as knowing if he has a “hidden” traumatic childhood which would cause him to do such morbid act. Next is attesting to the findings that the suspect is really the murderer. Followed by a search to catch the murderer. Then like the usual detective type of movie, police and people in charge having a hard time to catch the suspect, and ending up to the death of the suspect itself.

As aforementioned, the two priests made a study about the suspect who is Alex Carlos and they found out that there is a reason behind the killings. Alex is a dentist in the mobile clinic which goes to Payatas to perform medical and dental services to the poor. He uses the circumstance to perform his revenge. His anger can be traced back in high school. Father Gus and Father Saenz found out that he was once a student of the Payatas high. Being lean and sickly due to some sort of poverty, he had very low grades in PE. So his PE teacher would often ask him to stay a while for some further things to do.The PE teacher took advantage and may be because he was gay, he abused Alex. So, knowing the fact that he was molested, the PE teacher made him the “favorite”. Being not able to tell his parents about this and being not able to tell anyone at all, he grew up having psychological incapabilities. As a way of revenge, he killed the teacher. But he is still not satisfied. He decides to kill kids and his out to kill seven. Why seven? Because when the molestation was happening, there are around eight of them and he being the special one. He didn’t want to be the special one. He just wanted to be normal – like the other seven. He felt that he is being looked at – the center of abuse. He does the killing in some sort of a ritual - face scraped off, genital mutilated and heart extracted. In this case, he does this to remove the identity of the person much like what happened to him.

Reading the book attests to the fact that F.H. Batacan is really good at writing. From the very idea of diverting from the usual and making the usual extraordinary, I applaud her for that. Next is the use of French, Italian and I think even German. She may have known several languages and this technique created more impact on the characters.

Smaller and Smaller Circles. Realistic. Detective Suspense.

The most dominant element in the novel as it is screaming from cover to cover is the conflict, man versus man. The whole story revolves around the conflict, who is the killer?
The story started seeing a dead kid in the dump and Forensic anthropologists investigating. The whole story revolves in identifying the “mystery” killer. Characters sprung from the main conquest. Police officers in the crime scene. Ben Arcinas and his fellow NBI agents investigating. Joanna and Leo being a team up of reporter and cameraman waiting for news to cover. The two priests unraveling the whole gist of the story. Finally, knowing that it was Alex Santos and the climax was during the capture at the mobile wherein Father Saenz was even injured. In the end, I thought Father Saenz was killed but the craft of the story was great that it was Carlos who got killed. That was what I’ve wanted. The way it was narrated in the second to the last chapter, it seems that Fr. Saenz was the one killed. That is also a typical story which ends up beating evil and the bad people dying or asking for forgiveness.

At first I cannot understand the point of the italicized fonts (phrases sort of a dialogue) at certain last page of certain chapters. But as the story is coming to an end, I came to realize that it was Alex Carlos speaking. It was like the real gist, smaller and smaller circles.

The monologues leads me to say that there is another conflict revolving which is man versus himself. Because he is no longer in his proper mind, some sort of psychological incapabilities or nervous breakdown. The italicized part or what I call the monologue, is some sort of a diary. The author is trying to let the readers know the feelings of Alex which I only happen to realize by the end of the novel. ( So I tried to recall the monologue parts and I even read again those parts so I can fully comprehend the whole story. After which, I finally concluded that there is indeed a man versus himself conflict.

I thought of some possible themes of the story. Actually to tell you frankly, I sort of have some difficulties trying to know this part. I even listed down several possible themes:
Childhood of a person can make a big impact on him

  • There is truth about serial killers

  • Behind every murder is anger

  • The difficulty of solving crimes

  • Solving crimes

  • Serial killings

Smaller and Smaller Circles. Realistic. Detective – Suspense. Serial

Killings. I’ve read Nancy Drew when I was in grade school. I even got hitched to it. It has certain similarities. But this novel is more direct to the point. The novel flows to the direction of capturing the murderer. Walang paikotikot. Its main goal is to unravel the person behind the killings and get him caught by the police.

The novel attests to the fact that the childhood of the person highly affects his or her whole entirety. I’ve been dwelling with this idea since years ago. I am a part of a Church Charismatic group na I deal with the youth. As matter of fact, I am a youth leader. I often have a hard time with the people under me ---problems about relationships and vices. But as I realized that “who they are” is an effect of their background, their childhood, how they were treated as kids, Pakikisama was no longer hard for me.

Just a short background: The youth are from poor to middle class level.
I was an only child for eight long years. Being a brat, mingling with other people, adjusting to situations and adapting to other’s way of lives is very hard for me.

My goal in life is to serve God put him on top of my priorities. But also put in mind to be well balanced. I wanted to be well rounded. I want to have my own career. My second goal is to finish my studies and be successful in the corporate world.

The reasons behind my goals were my past experiences.

As aforementioned, I was a sole daughter for eight years. During that time, I used to have everything I’ve wanted. I was treated as a princess. A spoiled brat, as what everybody called me. I was a naughty, fat little girl.

But my being a brat princess came to an end when I had siblings already. My parents’ attention was diverted to them. But I didn’t take it negatively. Instead, I also diverted my attention to my friends, my hobbies and serving in the church.

Back when I was eleven, I wasn’t fully aware of the bankruptcy that was happening with my father’s business.

In 2000, the bank foreclosed our family house. During this time, all our properties are turning to dust. Came 2004, the only property left was also foreclosed by the bank. By now, we are living at my grandma’s old house. A year ago, it was really devastating. It had no ceiling and the paints of the wall were as old as me. But last summer, my dad’s business was kind flourishing again and we had the chance to renovate the house.

All these things are my driving force to be who and what I am right now. All my past experiences are my weapons in fighting life’s challenges. My weaknesses are not hindrances rather; I use them as inspiration for my betterment. I work on to be the best that I can be.
As a student, I work on to improve my grades. I have five in most of my major subjects. I have to work on with my minors. Nevertheless, I want to be a dean’s lister.

As a woman, I grew up being loved so much that is why even though I was influenced by my peers to have boyfriends, I know my limitations. I believe that sex is only to be given to my future partner. Thus, as a woman this is my main goal. This goal dictates my actions in life.
Being active in the church, I want to be a good example to others that is why in my action, I consider other people. This doesn’t mean that I don’t take risk. I often risk and I know that my service to Jesus is one great risk I did.

As a Filipino, my goal is to be a good citizen and I want to do something that will make my country proud of me.

My story is parallel with Smaller and Smaller Circles. The things that happened to Alex when he was a child became his driving force for revenge. In my case, I am not after revenge, I am after my betterment.

The character which I like best is Joanna. She is a reporter. When I came into Miriam, my first course was Communication Arts. Before I dreamt of being the next Korina Sanchez and being the Anchor of the most popular evening news. But I shifted to Business Ad last 2005. I like Joanna’s style of not being the typical reporter who makes ambush reports. I admire her quest for substantial news. I also admire her courage. Knowing that her dad died covering a news report, if I were in her shoes, I would be having a trauma. I may not engage in the field which caused the death of my dad. Bu in her case, she took the risk of being a reporter. I also admire her quest for the truth. She even helped the Jesuits to unravel the truth.

I believe that Joanna is an empowered woman. She is the epitome of courage. In the real world, it’s scary and we have to take risk and be strong enough to fight the scary reality.
The novel Smaller and smaller Circles, really changed my view of Philippine literature. As I was saying, this is a refreshing one. A change from the usual melodramatic themes which covers poverty and extreme political manipulations in our current system. I didn’t know that Filipinos could write a detective type of novel which includes Jesuits. Something like Da Vinci’s code. But this one, empowering Catholic priests. I am not being biased, but I really liked the story.
The last book that I’ve read was Dave Pelzer’s, The child called It. Actually I have not yet finished the book. I am still on the process of reading it. But the real book which I last finished was Sophie kinsella’s Confessions of Shopaholic.

I really like Sophie Kinsella’s way of writing because she uses the first person point of view. I sort of relate to her characters because I am a Business Administration student. Kinsella gives a little background about finance and the corporate world.

There are a lot of differences between Confessions of a shopaholic and Smaller and Smaller Circles. Aside from the fact that the former is European and the latter is Filipino. They are both realistic but in different genres. Kinsella’s work is more on the light and love story genre rolled into one. Batacan’s work is more of a detective type. But I both liked the plot.

Why I like Smaller and Smaller Circles: First it’s more close to my heart since it’s done by my fellow Filipino. Second, the setting is very familiar to me. Third, I sort of had a connection with the book. Fourth, the words are easy to read. Fifth, the speaking tone was in vernacular language just translated to English. Sixth, it was able to show a little bit of reality - the life of the people in the Payatas area. Last, the novel is very Filipino. Indeed, Filipino writers are to be saluted.

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

Latest Craze: Top 10 Singles of all time

10 Im a believer (1966)

Everything I do, I do it for you (1991)

9 Hound Dog, Don't Be Cruel (1956)

8 Diana (1957)

7 I will always love you (1992)

6 Hey Jude (1968)

5 It's now or never (1960)

4 I want to hold your hand (1963)

3 Rock around the clock (1954)

2 White Christmas (1942)

1 Something about the way you look tonight (1997)

According to Russell Ash' book The Top 10 of Everything.

Latest Craze for Graduates and OJT Applicants

How to pass an interview:

1. Greet Positively

2. Maintain Your Focus
3. Be Positive, sociable and enthusiastic

4. Answer Directly

5. Proper Posture

6. Avoid Being Negative

7. Show your dependability

8. Answer effectively

9. Be discerning

10. Ask some questions

Latest Craze: Looking Skinny, Being Skinny

It seems that being skinny is in and all the bulges, bay fat, and so called full shapes are no longer on the scene. This is true for some. To name a few foodophobic people are Kate Bosworth, Nicole Richie and Victoria Beckham. In 2002, Kate weighs 125 lbs. Now she's only 97 lbs. Her waist measures 20 inches. A hollywood sitcom actress says taht the reason why Kate won't eat is that Thin is "in" and casting directors do consider your weight when they hire you.

According to some psychologists and food experts " Some people don't realize how skinny they really are, and they see themselves as fat because they can't see reality. On the other hand those who fear getting fat also fear food itself. Some are even scared of aging like Victoria Beckham whose 32 may be trying to compete with younger women. So all I can say is stop STARvation.

Another Craze: Skinny Jeans.
Skinny Pants... If you can't be skinny try to lose skinny. Using the very "in" skinny jeans. These are the tight fitting jeans people nowadays wear. The fashion scene is waving goodbye to flare jeans.

For more info regarding skinny jeans visit this.

For My podcast episode on being skinny visit this.

Monday, March 5, 2007

Learning to appreciate my life.

Who am I to complain? Who am I?
I have no right...

Friday, March 2, 2007

An old rock range.

It's tired aura reveals a lot.
ages of watching people passing by
ages of being stuck in some place
which they never wanted to be in
ages of being lifeless, shapeless
in the midst of the living
ages of being solid, inanimate
and sturdy as it seem.
Still, ages of cold nights and intense hot days.
Sometime during summer
not even one may seem to passby.
In Solitude.
Yet with other thousands of inanimate things.
Even before man came.
A part of God's grand masterpiece.
And even after man came.
Still Basic.
Still Essential.
A part of life's history.
A part of life itself, A part of
the solid ground from which I stand.
Yet taken forgranted.

Had fun with Clairol.

I had fun trying on my different looks at Clairol's Try it on Studio. So here's what I did.